the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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