youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
