She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
