It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
