11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
