walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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