kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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