I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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