I showed him my bush... on skype.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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