I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
