Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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