She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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