His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
