Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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