somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
