whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The cops high fived after they tackled you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
