I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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