if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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