Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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