I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
