It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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