Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
