Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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