im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
