I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
