What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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