I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
