dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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