I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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