Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize