Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
