Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
