is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
