You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
