Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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