I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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