i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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