we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
