he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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