It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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