I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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