CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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