If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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