i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
