Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
