Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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