We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
