guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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