How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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