I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
