Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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