I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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