TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
