it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
