I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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