some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
