3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
