i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
