he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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