bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She's the barista slut.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
