I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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