I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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