This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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