this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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